Any good journey to Hades starts with a nice sail on the river Styx, dropping off a few memories in the Lethe and a healthy game of fetch with Cerberus. Of course, this is the sort of trip you don’t really return from, but think about how you’ll catch up with so many people you haven’t seen since they shuffled off this mortal coil.
Ok, let’s revise this a bit…
Any good journey to Hades Florida starts with a nice sail on the river Styx, crowded flight filled with screaming children, dropping off a few thousand dollars on memories in the Lethe theme parks and a healthy game of fetch with Cerberus your 5 year old as he darts into ever-present traffic. Of course, this is the sort of trip you don’t really return from, but think about how you’ll catch up with so many people you haven’t seen since they shuffled off this mortal coil.
Visiting Florida, in a nutshell.
How do you survive a visit to Florida, the land of the mouse and wizard? Well, I’m not sure I can guarantee that, however I can offer up a summary of our trip. We were gifted with a very generous trip to Florida from the Grandparents – which was cool. But man, let me tell you Florida during Spring Break / Bike Week / Springtime is a bit chaotic. Here are some things to do, or not to do.
Surviving Florida With Kids
I’m not going to tell you to avoid The Mouse, because I know that if you have kids and they’ve been exposed to any sort of media in the past 70 years you will have no choice. But what I will say is this, be prepared. The park is, in essence, the world’s largest Disney store (with parking for 75,000 cars!). Each ride, attraction, event ends with a trip through a themed store that will make your 5 year old go absolutely bonkers with plastic lust. The only one of these stores I could have spent more time in follows the Star Tours ride in Hollywood Studios. More on that later.
If venturing into any of the approximately 47,000 Disney theme parks hit those Fast Pass kiosks immediately. This is particularly true if the entire state ofWyoming decides t
o drop in for a visit. Unlike Universal Studios, the Disney Fast Pass is free to sign up for, but you are limited to 3 rides at a time. You will also need to bring a hefty credit card limit as things like balloons are 12 dollars a piece. It got to the point that we were pricing things in balloon units. For instance, I’d really like to get an Xbox, but I don’t have the 20 balloons I need to buy it right now.
The Jedi Training is worth signing up for most kids, but get there early if you want to do it, spots
fill up almost immediately. The updated Star Tours ride kept everyone coming back as well. With the new scenes from the Force Awakens and enough variability that you’re unlikely to get exactly the same experience each time the kids loved it (me too!)
Universal Studios Florida is basically a slightly grown-up version of Disney (now with Beer!) with what might be considered real roller coasters. The Harry Potter stuff is pretty cool, and
the train trip is likely worth the cost of the park hopper ticket. That said, lines can be brutal for the good rides and the equivalent of the Fast Pass, costs 90-100 dollars a person. That’s after you spend more than that per person to get in. If you’re on a budget staying home and watching Despicable Me while someone shakes the couch is a viable alternative.
Legoland is the one theme park that was really fun for both the kids and parents. There were (relatively) reasonably priced treats and toys, interesting rides that often required some sort of physical involvement, and Legos, so many Legos.
Our 1 day of non-theme park fun was probably the most enjoyable for the adults. I hadn’t visited the Kennedy Space Center since I was a kid. Much has changed since the days of Space Shuttles and Cold Wars, mostly neither is really around anymore but we can gaze fondly upon their carcasses. Honestly the displays and activities were first class and the tours were informative and interesting for everyone down to about age 7. In other words, the 5 year old could have stayed home.
We survived, and you can too. One last tip, pack water because you don’t want to buy it.